i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
