census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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