I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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