I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
