She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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