I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
