Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
time to smoke my breakfast
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
