I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
