I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize