I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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