I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
