I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
