Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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