Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
