and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
