Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
