They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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