hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
