so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
