I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
