My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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