maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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