Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize