Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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