first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
