We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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