I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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