On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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