I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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