well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize