Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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