I am in a vortex of obligation.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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