kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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