all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
