im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
