I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
