Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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