He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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