just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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