she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
