Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
