I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
