Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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