sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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