Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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