Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
