I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize