she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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