He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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