I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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