Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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