end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
