then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
