He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
