Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
