as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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