Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
