Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
