Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
