i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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