i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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