It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
