I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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