she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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