Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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