Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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