Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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